Pushing through

So the problem with creativity is that it doesn't work on a schedule. Certainly not any sort of schedule a normal human being should be keeping, anyway. For example, my creative impulses hit around 10pm. Not when it's light out. Not even in those twilight hours of half darkness. If I'm lucky, I might get the juices flowing between 9 and 9:30pm. But before that, pretty much anything I write is drivel, and unusable. This week I have been exceptionally creative, logging in total over 11.5K words in the course of a few nights. This translates into around 36 Word document pages, which would be almost 100 book pages. And remember, I don't start until after 10pm.

Now you can imagine that this has put a bit of a strain on my day job. My sleep self has been playing tricks on me, turning off or resetting my primary alarm. Thank goodness for the backup! Still, I have walked into work later than planned, which means staying later than planned, which means paperwork and a quiet(ish) building, which is not always helpful when tired.

As always, the self-doubt plagues. I was doing some research tonight, and on a whim I looked up the typical length for a YA novel. Most places are saying 50K-65K or 75K tops. Mine is already 81.5K, and I have a little ways to go. What does that mean for my chances of scoring an agent? Hopefully nothing. The sites were also saying that in the end, it's the content that matters. And right now, longer YA is hot. Of course, a couple years down the road, who knows? And that's the most optimistic outlook for when my book might end up being published, IF I get an agent this year and IF it is sold to a publisher. And those are huge IFs. Those are dreaming IFs.

So as I was reading this, and thinking about other blogs I read about what not to write and what not to do and the difficulty of breaking into the publishing industry in any real way, I came across the website of author Alyson Noel. Now, I actually have never heard of her, but I was reading her advice on writing/publishing, and it's actually really awesome. This was my favorite part:

What is "I-suck-itis" and how do I make sure I don't get infected?

I-suck-itis is that feeling you get when you're happily engrossed in your writing, everything's going great, and then, smack out of nowhere, that horrible, annoying, little voice in your head pipes in with all sorts of judging, and snarking, and horrible little comments—determined to convince you that you'll never be as good as so and so. 

When that happens, the only cure is to tell that little voice to mind it's own business, thankyouverymuch. That you are just trying to get the first draft written and have every intention to go back and revise later. Because the truth is, writing is all about re-writing, and to paraphrase Nora Roberts: You can't fix a blank page! 

 Why do I love this? Because it's normal. It's completely NORMAL to have days when you decide you suck. It's completely NORMAL to compare yourself to others. I read it time and again, and I just thought this was a fabulous way of explaining it, and then swatting it away. If you're interested in her other advice, check out the page on her website here. 

So, in the end, I really am excited with where my book is heading. At this point, I need to finish, and worry about revisions later. I don't want to think about slashing my baby to cut the word count back, but I refuse to worry about it now. For now, Eden and Kalon have an adventure to finish. The sooner the better, so I can start getting some sleep!

Inspiration

Taking a break from writing a lesson plan, I stumbled across this photo gallery on weather.com It's a bunch of pictures of abandoned amusement/theme parks. Some have been abandoned longer than others, and all closed for different reasons.

As I looked through the pictures, I was struck with all sorts of inspiration. The book I'm working on now is set at an undetermined point in the future. The world has changed, and nature has taken over. These pictures inspired me to think more concretely about how things might look. I love things like this. Perhaps my characters will even encounter an old theme park. The story takes place in Minnesota, in the (what used to be) Minneapolis area. So maybe Valley Fair? What if people actually lived there now? I don't know, but it could be interesting. By looking through pictures like these and comparing them with what Valley Fair looks like, I can create in my mind a decent idea of what a derelict version of the park might look like. Theme park ruins have been used in some of my favorite books, such as Uglies and Divergent. Of course, I don't want to copy those authors, but the concept is so great. Just another way something completely random can add another facet to a storyline. 

I highly encourage you to check out the link. Beautiful pictures. In case you decide to skip it, I'll leave you with a few of my favorites before heading back to lesson planning.

Keep an eye out for what inspires you, and keep writing!

UPDATE: Before I went back to work, I checked Facebook, because, of course, and someone had posted this link.
Some more eye candy of beautiful abandoned places. I could look at this stuff all day. But I won't. Today.

Staying connected

So many writers have actual real life jobs that they're actually getting paid to do, while writing is a hobby passion that they must find time outside of job and family to pursue. I'm definitely one of those people. I get so caught up in the everyday tragedies of my job (I'm a therapist, there really are daily tragedies) or the busy work of my second job (grading college papers is nothing like editing a novel) that I lose sight of my passion at times. Yes, I have been itching to get back to writing, but at the same time, I'm so absorbed in everything else, it has begun to slip my mind more and more.

I had lunch with a writer friend yesterday, and it was the boost I needed. She is so passionate about her books and her journey, and I every time we meet I feel my passion growing again. Talking books we've read, books we're writing, plot, characters, querying...the whole world that I've had to pretty much  ignore for the past several weeks. I just keep telling myself...in two weeks, I will be done teaching my class. In two weeks, I will be down to one job, forty(ish) hours a week, which leaves all sorts of free time.

Those connections are important. Whether you know someone in person or keep track of people on blogs and social networking sites, keeping your finger on the pulse of the industry helps to feed that passion. Now, don't get me wrong, there are times when I've been reading so many blogs and tweets that I start to get discouraged. They make getting published sound so bleak at times. Endless mentions of the "slush pile," which is apparently growing and growing as more people decide now is their time to become the next J.K. Rowling or E.L. James*. (Perhaps I need to use my initials... R.L. Olsen...) Most of us will never make it to that status. As important as connections are, when I get really discouraged, that is the time to unplug for a tidge. So. Stay connected, but not too connected but know your limits. Connect with people who encourage you and help you grow, and stay away from those who would discourage you and make you feel that your work is anything less than the beautiful diamond in the rough you know it to be.

Above all else...Write like no one is reading!

*These are not necessarily authors I endorse (though I love Harry Potter), but were the first that popped into my head when I think of the rise to stardom from humble beginnings

It's in the details

Still on a painful ridiculous annoying involuntary writing hiatus. I wish I could focus on both the class I'm teaching and on the writing, but since I'm getting paid to teach, that has to come first for now, and by the time I finish all my required work for that, my brain is zapped. Especially after trying to grade papers, which is a form of torture I had been previously unaware of. I'm not sure if it's more acute because I am a writer, or if it's really that bad, but...it's bad. It takes all that is in me not to print out each paper and attack with a red pen, correcting every tiny grammar, punctuation, and spelling error. That wouldn't be constructive though, so I resist. Anyway, off topic. My point is that even if my procrastination left any room for writing, it wouldn't be fair to my characters or myself to use the last of my energy to crank out a few pages. I would rather wait until I can give it my full attention.

However...

Just because I'm not currently writing doesn't mean that ideas are not percolating in the back of my mind almost constantly. The music of windchimes floating across the air makes it clear that Eden and Kalon have another stop on their journey. A playful exchange rewrites itself into the pages. The background plot becomes clearer, and solidifies the idea that this story will not be finished at the end of the book. The sequel already has a name. And in my head, I relive my story, picturing the details.

And that's when I see it. That one small detail that could ruin detract from my story. A seemingly insignificant thing, but something that I must go back and add to support the continuity of the story. I created a piece of technology (since my book takes place in the future) that I mentioned not just once, but several times in the beginning, but then forgot about. It disappeared from the pages, and from my imaginings of my characters as I pictured what I was writing. It's something that not everyone would probably pick out, but as a reader, I would probably be all over it, because I pay attention to small details.

Let me give you an example. I recently discovered the Lux Series. Obsidian, Onyx, Opal. The last one comes out in July (and I'm DYING to read it!). I love these books. However, there is one scene that sticks out to me, not because it's a big plot point, but because the main character magically changed her shirt between sitting on the couch and getting up to open the door. A tshirt while she was lounging turned into a soft sweater at the door. I reread several times to make sure she didn't throw on the sweater. Sometimes I miss the quick change, like when I wonder how a character who was sitting in a bean bag chair is suddenly leaning against the doorway. To me, these things matter.

The small details are what really paint the picture and pull the reader into the story, and missing those details can just as easily throw a reader out of the story. Now, we all make mistakes, and goodness knows there are probably hundreds in my novel. I fix what I catch, and count on my beta readers to point out other issues. In the end, I hope that I create a story that can pull the reader in and keep them there. How? It's in the details.

Involuntary Hiatus and a Sneak Peek

I try not to be dramatic (HA!) but it's KILLING me right now to not be writing. I was at such a good place in my book, and now it sits in a folder on my computer, just waiting for me, feeling sad and dejected as I focus on other things.

I agreed to teach a class this month way back in January. How was I supposed to know at that time that I would be at a crucial point in my novel? And the extra income is needed, so I couldn't really say no. But this class completely consumes the time I would otherwise be spending writing. Between planning classes and grading assignments, I am drained of any creative impulse.

So Eden and Kalon (my characters) sit and wait for my return. I miss them. Hopefully we will be reunited sooner than my last class, but if not, the end of April will be our time. Until then, a sneak peek at one of their first major interactions...

Eden brought her tablet to her room and was considering reading some of her History assignment before bugging Zoe and Fiona when her halo chirped. She eagerly slipped it on, shivering as it connected. Maybe her friends felt bad about her torture of staying at home and were going to rescue her, at least through the haloscapes.

An unfamiliar avatar blinked in Eden’s vision. Shrugging, she sent her thoughts to connect anyway.

Hello?

Hey, Eden, it’s Kalon.

Oh.

Eden could feel Kalon’s mental amusement at her obvious lack of enthusiasm. Wanna hang out in this new haloscape I programmed?

Eden hesitated. I think I have plans. Unfortunately, it was very difficult to lie in thoughts, since the halos picked up not only the words, but the intent and feelings behind them.

Come on, Kalon cajoled, Just for a little bit, and then you can run off and have your fan club meeting with Zoe and Fiona. Maybe program a hot guy to practice kissing on. Mua mua mua…

KALON! Eden was embarrassed. Even in her romantic haloscapes, the furthest she had gone with a guy was holding his hand skin to skin, an act practically unheard of even among families in the Underground.

Kalon’s tone was apologetic. Sorry, too far. So will you come? Just for a few minutes?

Why?

Because I asked you to.

Eden considered. She knew Zoe and Fi could be engrossed in the new clothes and vids for a long time, and she really didn’t want to do her homework. Fine, she said, and could feel Kalon’s glee. But don’t read anything into it. I’m babysitting my annoying Middler brother and have absolutely nothing better to do.

Whatever you say, was Kalon’s flippant response, but Eden sensed a smug satisfaction. She would have to take care of that pretty quickly before Kalon got the wrong idea.

A swirling haloscape invitation swooped into Eden’s line of vision, Kalon’s avatar front and center. She accepted, then closed her eyes and allowed herself to be dragged into the simulation.

When she sensed she was fully in the haloscape, Eden waited to open her eyes. She was always amazed at how her other sense operated in these simulations, and took a few moments to take in the sounds, smells, and physical sensations of the environment before taking her first look. She could hear water, a lot of it, and it sounded angry, coming in waves. She could taste the salt in the air, and smelled something suspiciously similar to fish Flavor. At first she thought she was at the “beach” but the surface under her was hard and gritty, and when she shifted, rocks clattered and caused echoes around her. Finally, Eden opened her eyes and looked around her. She appeared to be in a carved out section of rock. The ground was stone, uneven and covered in smaller rocks. The smaller pebbles poked at her feet, but not uncomfortably so. She stood and walked to the opening, then gasped and jumped back. She was standing high above the ocean, large, punishing waves crashing against the side of the cliff. Though she was high above, she could feel the salty spray on her face. Eden took a deep breath and backed up slowly, then turned and assessed the rest of her environment.

Pillows were scattered around a small fire happily crackling under the tallest point of the cave. Walking closer, Eden looked up and realized there was a hole through which the smoke was escaping. She breathed in the scent of the fire, appreciating the newness of the sensation. She had heard of camping sims, but had never had much interest in them. Now she wished she had a few in her possession, if only for the scent of the fire.

“Enjoying yourself?”

Eden jumped. Kalon was lounging in the shadows deeper within the cave, watching her intently. She had almost forgotten that he was there, and that this was his haloscape. In fact, he had said it was his own creation.

“This is a little different than the sims I usually hang out in,” Eden said nervously. “But it’s so detailed. Really impressive programming.”

Kalon pushed away from the wall and moved forward a few steps. He smirked. “Thanks for the compliment.” He walked to the fire and plopped down on one of the pillows. He gestured toward the one right next to him. “Have a seat.”

Eden moved to the fire and sat, but left a pillow between her body and Kalon’s. Even in the haloscapes, close proximity with someone she didn’t know well made her uncomfortable, unless the person was part of the sim.

“So how long did this take you?” Eden asked, truly curious about Kalon’s programming skills. A sim like this would take her several weeks to perfect, and she was one of the best programmers in her class. It helped that Ilaria was the head of the Programming department. She had been taking Eden along on jobs and showing her the ropes since she returned from Teensy camp.

“A few days,” Kalon said, leaning back on his elbows.

“You lie.”

“Okay, maybe a few weeks, but not really that long.” He shot Eden a smug look. “You’re not the only programming whiz around.”

Eden just shrugged and stared into the fire. Outside, dark and ominous clouds began to form. They flickered with electricity, and emitted sound that Eden felt to her bones. “What is that?”

“A  thunderstorm. They have them all the time on the surface. Rain and thunder and lightning.”

“How do you know about them?” Of course Eden knew about thunderstorms from working on the weather sims with her mother, but few people were interested in anything other than clear blue skies in their holowindows.

Another smug look. “My dad took me Above the last time they went to test the air. It was storming and we had to stay in a shelter for a couple days. I took a lot of notes.”

Eden stared at Kalon, open-mouthed. “You went Above?”

“Yup.”

“No way.”

Kalon just smirked again and looked out toward the gathering storm clouds. He sat up, his face growing serious, and stared into the fire. “Wanna know a secret?”

“No.”

He glanced up at her sharply. “Why not? I haven’t told anyone yet. You’d be the first.”

“I don’t think anything you have to tell me could be good news,” Eden said honestly.

Kalon nodded, still serious. “You’re right, but I’m going to tell you anyway. That’s why I asked you here.”

“Then I need to go. Actually, I think Cal is knocking on my door.” Eden cocked her head to the side as if listening. “Yup, that’s definitely him.”

“Eden, wait –“

“This is really impressive, Kalon, thanks for showing it to me.” Eden reached up to tug on her earlobe, her personal signal to her halo that she was ready to exit a sim.

Kalon’s eyes narrowed. “This isn’t over,” he warned as she tugged and disappeared.

Eden sat in her chair, breathing hard as she waited for the dizziness to pass. She ripped off her halo and tossed it on the bed, then stripped and put the sonic shower in massage mode. As the pulses kneaded her muscles and urged her to relax, Eden tried to figure out why she was so bothered by Kalon. He had barely spoken to her before today, though they had known each other for years, and yet he had singled her out not once, but twice today. He seemed determined to pass on some sort of message to Eden, and she was sure she didn’t want to hear it. She would just have to be extra careful to avoid him from now on. That decision made, Eden allowed herself to enjoy the massaging pulses, and let her mind go blank for a while.

 ----------------

Until next time!

The opposite of writer's block

I have a new problem lately that I haven't had to deal with very often. Usually, when I write, there is a point that I stop and have no idea where to go next. Writer's block. It's what caused my first novel to take three years to finish.

With this newest novel, the opposite is happening. Let's call it writer's...uhh...diarrhea? That's gross, but seriously. I have to keep telling my brain that I have to do things like go to work and work on preparing to teach my next college class, and, oh yeah, sleep sometimes. The story just keeps running through my head, and I HAVE TO GET IT OUT.

What my brain also doesn't seem to understand is that as I write, I have to actually describe what's going on. I can see it all happening in my head, but I have to paint a word picture in order to translate what I see onto the paper. Or the computer. Whatever. So when, like now, I have a whole sequence mapped out in my head, it might take me five hours to write what goes through my head in just a few minutes.

I would rather have this problem than writer's block, however. There are these beautiful moments when I sit down at the computer and the words come and it feels effortless. The words just flow, and I get excited and think, "It's comin' out of me like hot lava!" (Bridesmaids, anyone??)

So, back to it now. This weekend I need to clean my apartment, prepare for my class, print off songs for church tomorrow, see my peanuts (I miss them!), and also try to do as much writing as possible.

Writing is great until life gets in the way ;) Wish me luck!

Just who is in charge, anyway?

Last night I was clacking away on my keyboard, sure that I knew the direction my story was headed. Suddenly, one of my characters turned on me! When I created him, he was a nice side character. Apparently he even had me fooled. A little further on, and I actually gasped when one of my characters did something unexpected. In that case, it fit her personality, but I was surprised when it happened.

Cue the men in white coats.

I find it hard to explain to people my writing process. Not the procrastination part of it, but the actual story telling that happens. I always have a bare-bones idea of where I want my story to go. It's never a straight line to get there though. There are pit stops and detours and backtracking. And the characters are constantly getting in the way of me telling the story as I initially plan it.

When I create a character in my  mind, they become real to me. I think that's why I become so emotionally invested in books. It's different from a movie, because I can watch an actor and remember that he was in something else, that he is a real person with a real life beyond the character he is playing at the time. But in a book, the life the characters are living, the story I am creating for them, that is their story and their life. I know, again, I sound crazy. Or "cray cray," as my nieces and nephew would put it.

And it doesn't make sense. But I know my characters as much as they let me know them, which means the main character is usually an open book (no pun intended). I have a good idea of his or her intentions and motivations. But it's those side characters that are really good at keeping things from me, hiding their motivations, because they are not as important to me. Just like in the story, they tend to be overlooked, even by myself, their creator. And that's where they get me, because suddenly another facet of their personality is revealed, and I have to pay attention to them.

I was having a conversation with a friend last night and teasing her that one of the characters in my book may or may not end up being a bad guy. She told me that wasn't possible, and I replied that anything is possible, because I am doing the writing and I do what I want. But she has talked to me enough about writing to know that is complete crap. I do the writing, yes, but I've found that when I try to force characters to do what I think they should do, instead of listening to them tell me what they're going to do, the writing comes across as forced and unnatural. My friend knows this, and was pretty smug in her appraisal of the situation, and she was probably right. Hey, maybe he will be a bad guy...but it won't be because I want him to be, it will be because that is who he is. Or isn't. We'll see.

I'm as excited as anyone else to find out what my characters will do next.